Published On: Mon, Mar 13th, 2017

What is Bernie Sanders up to now? (Satire)

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After the general election, U.S. Sen. Bernie Sanders was asked to reach out to America. So he undertook a national tour — on jet skis.

At a crowded waterside meeting with reporters he was voluble in his defense of the economic policies he touted during his candidacy for the Democratic nomination and vituperative in his condemnation of the current president and his team. In a statement to the Washington Post before the press conference he said:

Bernie Sanders on new Kawasaki wet bike (Photo:

Bernie Sanders on new Kawasaki wet bike (Photo:

When questioned by a New York Times reporter — whose mainstream Gucci shoes were covered in good honest American mud — about the optics of investing in a gas-guzzling $15,000 Japanese two-person vehicle, affordable mainly by the 1% he professes to despise and with a negligible ethnic ridership, Sanders responded that “Water sports are the New New Deal that America has been waiting for. It’s not a red state or a blue state thing, it’s not about gender or race, everyone can agree on a sweet-riding Kawasaki.”

A Wall Street Journal reporter yelled after him that the red states were all landlocked, but he’d gone, spraying down the Monongahela River with the wind in his thin grey hair and Amy Goodman strapped to his back.




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